Pieces
by RenRenTheGreat
Summary: Why? Isn’t it clear, Axel? I’m not staying somewhere I’m taken for granted, I’m not staying where I’m ignored and unloved, I have a heart, its not my fault you broke it too many times.” AkuRoku M for language Birthday fic to my bestie


Kay so. Today, February 2, 2008 is my best friend's 17th birthday. Woo! I'm in the midst of writing something else for her, but I couldn't finish it in time so now she gets two.

In our little group of crazy friends, we have our own Organization. Cause we're losers like that. I'm our uber-awesome Demyx, and my Birthday Girl's Roxas. So she gets Roxas-y goodness. Well, angst really, since that's the only thing I'm at least somewhat decent at.

This, unlike the other story, wasn't originally written as a present, but it is now, since it was already finished and just needed typing up :) So voila.

Disclaimer: What are you talking about, of course I own Kingdom Hearts. Didn't you see the special musical montage ending with 10x the yaoi? Of course you did.

Also, rated M for bad language, via Axel. Silly silly Axel.

Pieces

_Fuck._ A word he absolutely despised. It was crude, vulgar, held no love and compassion and that's exactly why he hated it. It was everything they weren't supposed to be, it was everything he prayed they weren't. He wanted it to be love, he wanted it to be exactly what he'd always dreamed about, and he always knew it never would be. Axel didn't love him, Axel had never loved him and Axel would never love him. No matter what he did, nothing could change that. So for the time, he'd have to content himself with that. Roxas didn't know if Axel knew he'd figured it out, if he did the other would certainly try to deny it.

How much longer could he hold it in? How long would it take for him to completely crack, and throw it all away? The redhead was all he had left, when would he lose him too? When would the tears simply stop coming? Would Axel even notice his pain at all? The thoughts only managed to tear at his destroyed heart more than ever. Roxas had never expected that love would hurt this much, all the wonderful sensations, touching, tasting, being; he wanted to say it wasn't worth it… but Roxas knew that wasn't true. Axel's mere presence was enough to make all of his pain worthwhile. It was bittersweet, Roxas had discovered, much like the chocolate Axel was so fond of.

"Roxas? Rox, I'm home!" Roxas felt his heart sink, plastering a false smile on his face. If he wasn't enough for Axel, the least he could do was pretend.

"I'm in the bedroom!" He called back half heartedly, picking up his book, trying to look like he'd been doing something. A moment later the red-head was next to him, pressing a chaste kiss on his cheek, "How're you?" Roxas didn't dare to move, barely moving even his mouth.

"I'd be perfectly fine if my boyfriend would kiss me." Axel retorted, his eyes sparkling playfully. Roxas couldn't help but smile and stretched out of his position, leaning to kiss the elder.

"How about now?"

"Still feeling boyfriend deprived." Axel's reply was cheeky, and he slipped their lips together. Roxas could feel his mind melt into a small pile of mush, and suddenly Axel was the only thing he could think of. That is, until Axel's phone went off into a series of buzzing noises. "Shit." He muttered under his breath, sliding off of the bed, "I have to go." And the red-head was out of the room before Roxas could reply.

Roxas snarled, jerking around and punching the wall behind him. He wanted to scream, yell, run after Axel and make him pay for the pain he'd been going through. But he couldn't do that, he loved him too much. From what he could tell, Roxas had two choices; stay and carry on the relationship that tore his heart apart, or leave… gather his things and catch a plane somewhere, leave the love of his life, the only person he would ever care about and try to start over.

---

Axel returned that night to an empty apartment, drawers pulled out and items through about, "What…" his heart raced in his chest, and all he could think about was _where was his lover?!_ Was Roxas okay? Kidnapped? Ran off? …Dead? Would he see him again? Did he know how deeply in love Axel was? "Roxas!? ROXAS!!" It seemed to him hours before he'd searched the entire apartment, but to no avail. No note, the only indication he found were that a few of Roxas' possessions were missing. Collapsing, tears overwhelming him, Axel sobbed. Roxas was gone…

Fumbling for his phone, Axel could feel his life dissolve around him, clutching the small box still in his pocket.

---

Roxas awoke to his cell phone ringing, vibrating on the table beside him, "What is it Dem?" he asked groggily, sitting up.

"Don't get cranky with me, you should be awake." Demyx retorted, voice muffled and dull.

"It's 6:42," he answered with a quick glance at the clock, "I doubt I have to be up this exact moment. And don't blame it on the time difference, its been two years."

The voice on the other line sighed, "Its Axel." Roxas felt his heart sink, "He's not doing well…"

"I… I thought he'd given up…"

Demyx gave a hollow laugh, "He'd never give up, this is Axel we're talking about. He's barely slept since you left, like hell he would willingly give you up."

The younger groaned, "And what exactly do you want me to do?"

"Come back."

"Dem! How many times have we had this conversation? I can't go back." His free hand reached out to run down the face of the other occupant of his bed.

"At the rate he's going, Axel's likely to get himself in the hospital, it's a surprise he hasn't died." Roxas' heart clenched. He might have left Axel two years prior, but he'd long since realized that he would always love him, "You don't have to stay, but you need to at least see him. He's a mess; he's still looking for you. He won't give up until it kills him. Please, Roxas, he needs you, and you need him." Roxas slid his eyes shut, desperately fighting against the wave of sorrow that was rising from his chest. He wanted to see Axel again… he was still head over heels in love, but… what would happen if he did return? "Please, Roxas. He's practically dead as it is, he needs you! Rox, all he's said since you left was how he wished he could do it over. He wants a second chance, he loves you, goddammit!" Roxas was silent, a tear leaking down his face, "At least think about it…"

Roxas took a deep breath, slowly lifting himself from the bed, "I'll go."

"Plea- really?" Demyx sighed loudly, "Let me book you a plane ticket, it's the least I could do…"

Roxas let out a tiny laugh, "And when you say 'let me', you really mean 'let Zexion', am I correct?"

"You know me too well, but Zexion's out right now," Demyx's voice grew cold, as he struggled to speak clearly, "So I shall book it myself. Would… would tonight work?" Roxas shut his eyes again.

"Y-yeah. That works."

"Great!" Roxas could hear the rustling in the background, choosing not to question it, "I'll get back to you on the details, you can go back to sleep now."

"Mm'kay, bye…" Unable to suppress his yawn, Roxas cut the connection, throwing the phone onto the bed. After so long running away, he'd finally be going home. Biting back a sigh, Roxas reminded himself that it was no longer his home.

He'd left Axel, love of his life Axel, to live in a small apartment on the mainland of Destiny Island. Of course, he lived off his twin, as well as said twin's lover, when he'd first arrived, but Sora didn't have any more money than Roxas did, and Riku only had so much patience with the 'no sex while Roxas stays' rule. Pushing the thoughts aside, Roxas stood again, stretching slightly. Over thinking things was never a good idea for him.

---

Two years, six months and eight days. It had been two and a half long, hard years since he'd last seen Roxas. Walking out the door that night, Axel hardly thought it very well could be the last time he'd see his lover. The little black box still rested on the bedside table, the first think he'd see in the morning, the last this he'd see at night. A constant reminder of his failure.

Axel had looked, he had. He'd attempted to get in contact with Sora, who'd later claimed he was on vacation at the time and had no information (though he hadn't seemed too distraught upon learning of his younger twin's sudden disappearance), Demyx was the first to know, and had been quite adamant in searching until a month or so after Roxas's initial disappearance. Axel himself had scoured other towns, had traveled around greatly in some hopes that someone had seen his lover. Two years later he still watched the news religiously, spent his nights skimming the newspaper and checking the internet for any reports of missing people. But all in vain. Roxas was still gone and Axel was still in despair.

It was around their first missed anniversary, six months after the fact, when Axel stopped eating for days at a time, four months later, around Christmas time, when he began to barely sleep. Demyx came over every Tuesday night to make sure that the red-head had at least eaten something that day, make him sleep, even if it meant the musician had to bring over sleeping pills, and essentially determine that Axel hadn't burned or killed anything.

Axel was woken up that Wednesday morning by a ringing right next to his ear, "What?!" he snapped, not even so much as looking at the phone. After a couple more annoying rings he grabbed the phone, "This had better be important."

"Well, I'd say it's important…" Axel groaned.

"Demyx, go away. I don't want to talk to you. Ever. At all. For the rest of my life."

"Aww, don't be like that." Demyx cooed, "I just wanted to tell you I'll be over tonight."

Axel wanted to groan, resisting the urge to fling the phone at the wall, "You were over last night. Leave me alone."

"Not gonna happen. I'll be over around 6. Bye Ax!" The dial tone sounded and Axel did groan. As if it wasn't bad enough that he'd lost Roxas, Demyx just had to baby him for two years. He didn't know how much longer he could stand this; alone in the world, forever to be taunted by a tiny box sitting in his room.

---

He wasn't doing this. No way. He'd never do this; after all, he liked to consider himself sane.

Oh, who was he kidding. Roxas sighed dejectedly, hoisting up his small backpack as the occupants of the plane rose to their feet, waiting to squeeze past everyone else and get on their way. He, on the other hand, would be more than pleased to stay on the airplane forever, but he was holding up the line as it was. Shuffling along in turn, Roxas could only hope it took Demyx forever to find his gate, along with the hope that the musician hadn't changed much in the years since he'd last seen him.

At last he broke free from the mass as he entered the terminal, allowing his gaze to pass over the area. This was the last place he'd seen in Twilight Town, seeing it again was slightly nauseating. He'd sworn never to come back, sworn to get over Axel and start new. He was pretty confident in saying he had failed miserably.

"Roxas!" His head jerked upward at the sound of his name, allowing a smile to creep onto his face, albeit surprised by the lack of his friend's usual companion.

"Dem!" The blonde grinned in return, immediately dashing over to his friend and tackling him in a bear hug.

"Its been way too long." Demyx mumbled into Roxas's hair, the younger wincing slightly.

"You're… kinda crushing me, Demyx…"

"Not my fault." Demyx replied perkily, pulling back so as to take a good look at him, "Well seeing as you're the same shorty I knew two years ago and not some strange alien imposter, I think we should probably leave. Do you have any bags?" At the shake of Roxas's head Demyx grinned again, "Well then, let's go!"

The car ride was silent, a far stretch from Demyx's usual babble. Roxas found his eyes flitting back and forth to the scenery he was so used to, everything he'd tried so hard to forget.

"He loves you, you know…" Demyx's voice was soft, wistful almost, and Roxas kept his eyes locked firmly on his companion's face.

"I wish." His own voice was just as soft, just as pained, and the car lurched to a stop in the middle of the street, the once cheerful eyes of the driver burning with fury.

"Are you blind?! My god, Roxas, he thinks you're dead and he _keeps looking_. He's grown to hate me, because I make him stop, because I know you're okay, but he fucking doesn't!" Horns began to blare all around them, and, attention darting away, Demyx slammed on the gas. Roxas's eyes squeezed themselves shut, and for the first time he wondered… had he been wrong?

The digital clock in the car shifted, marking 6 o'clock, and, as the drew close to Axel's apartment – Roxas nearly choked when he thought of it as _their_ apartment – both were silent, the only sound coming from the soft humming of the engine.

Before Roxas knew it, the car pulled to a stop, and his blue eyes widened, "I can't do this… Dem, I _can't_."

Demyx turned to stare at him, smile sad, "You need to…" Without another word he pulled the keys out of the ignition, opening the door, and his smile remained, "He needs you."

Quite against his will, Roxas found himself opening his own door, stepping out onto the cement. He was terrified. Here he was, at the very place he and Axel had shared for more than a year, the very place in which he'd decided to leave, the very place he could no longer call home. And it hurt. Knowing that he'd see Axel, his best friend, roommate, companion and lover… ex-lover… A tear began to roll out of his eye, as Demyx pulled out a key to open the door. And as the door creaked open, the exact same way it had two years prior, Roxas's body began to shake, more tears trickling down his face, and he couldn't help but wonder… _why am I here?_

"Axel! I'm here!"

"For gods sake Demyx, get the fuck out of my apartment!!" Roxas could feel his breath hitch in his throat; Axel sounded so… different… every word he spoke seemed to be laced with pain, but… it was still him…

"But I brought you something!" By now Demyx was completely through the door, slipping his keys back into his pocket as he spoke. After much deliberation, Roxas followed, footsteps wearied, unable to predict what would follow.

"Get out!!" Roxas found himself in the kitchen, his heart pounding as Demyx flopped himself down into a chair.

Not missing a beat, Demyx retorted, "Just get in here, you asshole." The musician's voice was as chipper as ever, though Roxas could see the pain behind his emotionless eyes.

And, before he knew it… there was Axel.

---

Axel lay on his bed, eyes staring blankly at the tiny object resting beside him on the beside table, "Get rid of it…" he whispered to himself, knowing perfectly well he'd never be able to do it, "Maybe Demyx…" his mind squashed that thought instantly. He'd rather die then ask for Demyx's help. Besides, if he died, he wouldn't have to suffer through life without Roxas.

"Axel! I'm here!"

The red-head groaned, rolling over onto his side. He _really_ didn't need this right now, "For gods sake Demyx, get the fuck out of my apartment!!" He yelled back, moving to sit up anyways. Knowing Demyx, he wouldn't go away.

"But I brought you something!" Joy. Standing shakily, Axel found his hand reaching out to grab the box, grip tightening around it. He needed to get rid of it…

"Get out!!" Pulling the door shut behind him, Axel walked towards the kitchen.

"Just get in here you asshole." He stepped into the room, and Axel could feel the ground lurch to a stop, two words spoken at the exact same time.

"Roxas…"

"Axel…"

Quickly Axel's eyes darted to Demyx, "Where…" green orbs moved back to the familiar tousled blonde hair, question directed at both of them, "_Roxas_…"

Slowly Roxas's eyes pushed themselves shut, and he didn't know what to do. He wanted to hug him, be caught up once more in that familiar embrace, _finally_ home again. But he knew perfectly well that he couldn't. After all… he was the one that had left. He was the one who gave it all up, vanished in the middle of the night after everything he'd done… He couldn't give up now.

Not believing what stood before him, Axel lifted a hand to rub at his eyes, uncertain if it was all just a cruel dream, a mirage from malnutrition. But as his eyesight cleared, Roxas remained before him, and pain ran through his heart. Why… How? Nothing made sense anymore.

Both of their thoughts were broken as Demyx began to speak, "Well, you two have a bunch of catching up to do, I'll check back on you later." And then he was gone, Roxas's pleading sight following him all the way.

"How…?" Axel finally whispered, not once budging, terrified that, should he touch the blonde, he'd just disappear again.

"Demyx… told me to come…"

The red-head gaped, confusion crossing his face before it was covered up with rage, "Demyx? _Demyx?!_ You've been talking to Demyx?!!" Hesitantly Roxas nodded, no longer able to keep his eyes locked shut. Instead his piercing blue orbs examined all of his ex-lover's body, realizing with a pang of guilt that he looked terrible. And it was entirely his fault, "Why?!" Axel snarled, taking the few steps forward to stand in front of the younger, "You talked to _him_ but not to _me_?!"

"Well, I didn't leave because of _him_!" Roxas retorted, voice laced with venom as he let the truth sink into Axel's brain, and he stumbled backwards.

"Me…? You… left… because of me…?" The damage was done, the hurt obvious in Axel's expression, "Why?"

He could feel his heart aching, but Roxas forced himself to continue, "Why? You honestly don't know _why_ I left? Isn't it clear, Axel? I'm not staying somewhere I'm taken for granted, I'm not staying where I'm ignored and unloved, I have a heart, its not my fault you broke it too many times." The room grew silent, as a small box clanged against the linoleum floor.

"Unloved?" Axel finally whispered, "You thought I didn't _love_ you?"

"Unless you're supposed to ignore and hurt your boyfriend." The tone of Roxas's voice was frozen, adding to the stabbing pains coursing throughout Axel's chest.

In an instant the red head was in front of Roxas again, gripping his shirt and growling under his breath, "You have no idea what I was doing. No, you didn't stick around long enough to find out what pulled me away from ravishing you on the spot. And guess what? It was Demyx. _Demyx_ pulled me away and because of it, I lost you. The whole point was to keep you. I left so you'd stay mine. I was gone trying my hardest to convince you to _stay_. Two and a half years, Roxas, why the hell would _I_ stay unless I loved you more than anything else in the fucking world?!" As Axel spoke, Roxas could feel the world breaking around him. Was he wrong? Had he made the mistake after all? "And do you know what today is?" Axel's grip loosened, and with it, his voice softened, "August 13th. Our fucking fifth anniversary." He let Roxas collapse to the floor, kneeling down so as to pick up the fallen box, "Or… at least it would have been…"

"What… what was it…" It was more of a demand than a question, Roxas was visibly shaking, awaiting the answer as Axel flipped open the box.

"I wanted… to marry you." As he spoke he couldn't help but laugh, "Yeah, what was I thinking."

"Axel… what was I supposed to think?!" Roxas's voice was hardly more than a whisper, but he was heard perfectly, bracing himself up off of the floor, "You never said 'I love you', you never seemed to be around for more than an hour during the day, how was I supposed to react?"

"You needed to trust me." It was Axel's turn for his voice to be iced, unemotional, "And I did, thousands of times. I never slept, I watched you sleep by yourself, and I said it, hundreds of thousands of times. Want another? I love you. After two goddamn fucking years alone I still love you." Axel paused, mind racing. He wanted to tell the other to get out, leave like he'd wanted to, but he knew he couldn't. He couldn't lie to himself, Roxas was… had been… his life.

No longer could Roxas stand, collapsing to the floor again. He made a mistake. The worst mistake he ever could have made, and now… now everything was gone. Axel watched sadly, yearning to reach out and take him in his arms, comfort him like he had so many times before. And, before he knew it, he was.

"I shouldn't… god, I might have the new record for the stupidest reason to leave the love of your life." Roxas sighed, tears falling down his cheeks as his forehead rested against Axel's chest, "I should go, I'm sorry Axel, I've wasted five years of your life, I just… I guess I'm just an idiot…" Quite reluctantly, Roxas attempted to free himself of Axel's grip, but only to find the elder's arms wrapped more tightly around him.

"No. God, are you deaf? I love you Roxas, I'm not letter you get away from me again. Never." With another squeeze Axel pulled back slightly, smiling for the first time since his lover's original disappearance as he caught the others lips in his own, relieved as he felt the oh-so-familiar spark as they connected, "Yes…" he finally murmured, "Perhaps it wasn't your best decision, we lost two years… two years out of eternity. I do love you… so much… you can't leave me again… please don't leave me again…"

"…All that time…" Roxas mumbled, face still buried in the folds of Axel's shirt, "I thought… I was just an easy fuck. We'd been friends for so long it wasn't really anything new… I suppose I deluded myself into believing it…" Axel felt so… different, Roxas realized, having barely eaten or slept for months. "I'm _sorry_."

"Maybe… it was my fault too…" the elder whispered into his ear, "I figured you knew, so it didn't matter if you heard if so frequently." Axel breathed deeply, air tingling onto Roxas's ear as he did, and Roxas couldn't repress the shiver that ran down his spine, "Where… where were you? I looked everywhere, no one had seen you an…" he took another gulp of air before continuing on, "And I was terrified." Roxas needed to know, of this Axel was certain, and he wouldn't quit until he was positive that nothing was left out, "You could have been dead, Rox, and I… I didn't know if I could handle that."

A broken sob caught in Roxas's throat, "I'm sorry." He repeated quietly, his words but whispers under his breath, "I… I stayed with Sora for a little while, then he helped me get my own apartment after a bit. Demyx helped out too, after he decided not to be pissed at me anymore… Please don't hate him, he… he didn't want to lie to you, I made him, and… In the car today, he said that you despised him now, and I… I never even thought that was _possible_."

Silence reigned for a few moments, as Axel struggled to find the words to say, to comfort the man who'd once been his most important person, "I don't." he finally mumbled, "I… I was angry that he wasn't completely willing to help me search, after awhile I began to think that he didn't care about you, and that I did hate. But now… now I'm so glad he forced me to stop, to make sure I ate and slept and kept breathing…" A now familiar pang of guilt struck through Roxas's soul, as silence washed over them again. What had he done?

"I'm sorry…"

"Stop saying that." Axel retorted, voice light for the first time, "Its okay. We'll be okay… Stay with me…" the command was evident in his voice, clearly unable to take anything but 'yes' for an answer.

It took a moment for Roxas to reply, "I… can't…" Confusion and worry flew across Axel's face, "Lea… I can't leave her…"

"Lea?" Slowly the pain began to creep back to Axel as he put the pieces together, "You… have a girlfriend?"

As Axel spoke, Roxas pushed himself back, starting to laugh loudly, "Girlfriend? Axel, I'm _gay_, and I love _you_. Lea's the puppy Sora got me last Christmas." He kept chuckling as Axel sat confused, "Why the hell would I have a _girlfriend_?" Leaning forward again so as to support himself against the other, Roxas couldn't help the laughs flowing from his mouth, "You can be so _stupid_, flamer. I even named her after you."

"I missed that too…" Axel finally murmured, a smile not quite on his lips, "I love your laugh, Rox… so much… Stay with me. Lea too, if it means I have you back. As long as I get more attention, she can stay. But I need you. I think that much has been made obvious…"

"I love you…" Axel smiled, really, truly smiled, heart skipping a beat.

"I love you too." He whispered, words flowing off his tongue for the first time. And from the doorway, tears trickled down Demyx's face, quiet sobs echoing from his body.

-Fini-

For the sake of the story, no one was tailgating Demyx when he decided to stop in the middle of the road. Because I wrote it, and an accident wasn't involved with the plot bunny.

And free internet cookies for anyone that can guess what happened to Zexion. Because I did have a reason for taking him out of it. Mwahahahaha. I'm so evil like that. So go on, press that nice little purple button : Its just waiting to be pressed.

**Bestie note:**

Happy birthday guuuurrrl. This is present numba 1. I think there's about… four or five more. That's just how amazing I am. Next comes the yaoi story for Dragonman Dan and Phineus Feek. Jk jk xD Anyways, blame the bad language on Analiesa, its all her fault (no Analiesa, I'm kidding, honestly) and the angst on myself. For I suck as a dog. Curses, foiled again.


End file.
